Don't Miss the Becoming

I remember the exact moment in my living room in 2010 when I desperately wanted to know what my first born son was going to be like. He was scrunched on my shoulder like a tree frog and our journey together had just begun, but I impatiently wanted to know his nature that very moment. That deep desire was coming from my own need to be known and would impact so much of how I parented, even today. Friday I watched that same kid, 15 years old and towering over me, play 4 volleyball games with all the enthusiasm and growing skill you would expect from this ball obsessed guy.

After a really good block, I was suddenly taken back to that moment where the more he snuggled the more I just wanted to know who he was going to be. And there I was in reality watching him jump and dive, passionately showing up again and again, despite a really long schedule. Life is so funny. Knowing his strengths and personality was impossible in the beginning, but it was all I could think about. After a decade and a half together, I have mountains of data and knowledge to build a beautiful picture of who he is today, but it is increasingly easy to dismiss who he is or is becoming. Why? Mostly because parenting is hard, but it’s also hard to get out of my own way. I am navigating all of my own things while also trying to guide 3 other souls. Learning to prioritize your own needs as a mom is vital, but also tough to balance with the ever growing and changing needs of children, especially adolescents.

Technology and driving are big topics right now, whether we like it or not. In my teeter-tottering around how long the leash should be this week, rules, expectations and consequences crowd my conversations and I forget too often to just witness who he is today. So much of our interactions are data-based - Where is this? What did he say? When are you going to finish? Data and knowing facts about someone doesn’t actually ensure a true knowing or relationship with them. I’ve sat through countless conversations where how I felt about something was never something anyone wanted to know, but I had been mined for data, that’s for sure.

I had the luxury of a day at home by myself - husband at work, kids at grandparents - and I contemplated what it might feel like when all of my kids are out of my house. With the 7 year age difference between my oldest and youngest, who knows what life will look like along the way, but I sat in the silence anyway, just to see what it would feel like. And the most prevailing thought that I had was how much I want them to feel seen before they launch. Deadlines and chores all need attention, but if I miss who they are becoming, what is it all for? I pray their picture of God is more than some house manager barking out expectations but is that all I give them some days? Sometimes I get so annoyed with how my brain tries to anticipate all the things, but today I was thankful. My kids aren’t grown yet and still in my house for a few more years at least. Lord willing, we still have time to enjoy life together and witness the becoming we’re all doing.