Hearts. Candy. Flowers. Cards. Dinner reservations. Stuffed animals. I {heart} you. Disappointment. Comparison. Reminders that you're alone. Or with a crummy 'valentine'. Or that you're just not special enough for anyone to bother noticing, let alone sending you a valentine.

Yeah, isn't Valentine's Day awesome for the majority of the world? Like most other holidays, it's a perfect opportunity to either spend more money than you should and/or feel incredibly bad about your current relationship status. I'm very blessed to married to a great guy, but contrary to popular belief, having a significant other doesn't always mean a perfect holiday. Once there is a valentine, in walks expectations and comparisons and pressure. All ingredients of an ugly, hurtful fight. Trust me - a warm body isn't a solution.

Whether cynical or dreamy-eyed about the upcoming Love holiday, I think we all could use a different approach. Love is much more than candy and flowers. And showering a significant other is only a small part of what love means in the world.

Honor the INsignificant. Love the UNimportant. Put your heart loving energy into brightening anyone and everyone's day. Show love to strangers. Buy somebody's Starbucks. Show up early or stay late to help - especially if it isn't your job. Use whatever you have - extra time, money, kind words - to love others. And by all means, show those important people in your life love. But make it meaningful to them - think love language. Since most of us are going to be surrounded by this holiday anyway, make it really about love. Not things. Not appearances. Not obligations.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." I Corinthians 13:4-8

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." I John 3:16

Originally posted in 2013.

 Mistaking Impatience for Serious Learning Problems

In our diagnosis-heavy culture, a good-hearted mama can convince herself of all kinds of trouble at the slightest hint of a learning challenge.  Normal developmental issues - like turning words around or crying over math that is 'too hard' - suddenly become scary things like dyslexia and failure to thrive in a mathematical world.  I don't know about you, but as a homeschool mom I can overthink and overreact, especially as it pertains to the success or failure of my kids.  One of the lessons I have learned over the last 5 years of homeschooling is that impatience is the cause of way more problems than legitimate learning disorders.  Maybe impatience is a legitimate learning disorder?! Of course, learning problems are everywhere and I don't mean to take away from their reality.  What I have seen, though, is that it is terribly easy to give up and slap on a diagnosis before we have considered the less complicated analysis.  What if your student is just in a hurry to finish their schoolwork and tries to work too quickly to notice all the mistakes?  What if it's easier to cry (in hopes of getting out of it) than to spend 5 extra seconds concentrating on that new math concept? 

My 10 year old son has cried foul a lot, especially when it comes to math.  A couple of years ago I panicked (a complete overreaction) thinking he just wasn't getting it and would always struggle with math.  After a couple of months of beating myself up over it I discovered he wasn't struggling like I thought.  In fact, his struggle wasn't really with math at all. He was an impatient boy who was in a hurry to be done.  When you try to rush new things, they can seem hard when in fact they are simply new and take time.  This applies to all subjects and ages alike.  Too hard is a very relative term and often false.  If we expect something to take a week to master and it realistically will take 3, there is bound to be frustration.  If we go into a new thing with the understanding that it isn't going to click right away, students are more likely to keep steadily at it. 

The next time you start to diagnose a major learning issue, you might try one of these ideas first.

-Accuracy. Reinforce that the goal is for work to be done right, not fast.  Double-checking work will actually save time in the long run.

-Time Commitment. 30 minutes of reading rather than 3 books can encourage students to take more time with their work allowing for fewer mistakes.

-Discuss expectations.  Sometimes we don't realize what we are expecting until we discuss it out loud. Are you expecting too much? Does your child understand what this subject is supposed to look like when done well?

Before you throw in the towel on a new skill or program, determine if someone (maybe even you, mom) is getting impatient rather than truly struggling.  For better or worse, the simplest answer is also the most likely answer.

Let’s Make Some New Magic

Have you ever met up with an old friend you haven’t seen in years and it’s a little awkward because you’re a completely different person than you were back then? Sometimes I feel that way when I write. I remember the season when I truly discovered my relationship with writing and how amazing it was. It was around the same time that my future husband and I became such good friends. There was a lot of magic flying around then. Now, 16 years later, I really want that magic back.

Thankfully, I’m not talking about my marriage! We’re far from perfect, but I wouldn’t want us to go back to those foolish kids for anything! My relationship with writing, though, really needs a revival. It’s not exactly about the words being written or how my skills are being exercised. It’s my heart that’s the problem. As a 20-something living largely on my own and dreaming of the future, my creative spirit soared with possibilities. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. Like diving into marriage or parenthood, we all rush in with blinders and miss the realities we’re headed for until it’s a bit too late. That’s growing up, I’ve learned. Now, as a 41 year old woman, the blinders have come off. The magic of possibility has faded because I now know so much more about it. Frankly, it’s the price tag that I am now well aware of. Whatever your dream of possibility is - money, parenthood, marriage, business success, personal goals - they all cost something. That something includes time and commitment, of course, but more specifically, the neglect of something else, even if just temporarily. I hate that price tag. I want to do it all - mostly at the same time - and for no other priority to suffer. At all. That’s not how the world works though.

So, writing. Writing has become that unfinished puzzle in the corner that you might add a piece or two when you pass by every week or so, but it will likely get put up to make way for something else long before it actually gets finished. I have a healthy marriage that I want to stay that way. I homeschool three amazing children that I won’t risk being a stumbling block more than I already am. Now, more than ever, our health has to be a top priority which takes time and effort. There are so many important things that whisk you into the current before you’ve even given permission. That’s what erodes at the magic that once was. I’ve never been good at prioritizing my to-do list, a stereo-typical characteristic of the AHDH brain come to find out, and prioritizing something that no one else in the world is demanding I maintain takes moving a mountain sometimes.

In one of my favorite books on writing, Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg, she talks about how she practiced meditation for years, but most things in life didn’t make sense unless it was applied to writing. The following statement has always summed up my relationship with the written word:

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“This book is about writing. It is also about using writing as your practice, as a way to help you penetrate your life and become sane…To do writing practice means to deal ultimately with your whole life.”

Being a mom (especially one with ADHD) and having any kind of built in practice - prayer, art form, meditation, sacred alone time - is terribly hard. The broken-record phrase of every mom is “Me time? What’s that?” And those who do champion a mother’s self care often get accused of being self-focused snowflakes. There are a lot of hurdles in the way of staying sane within the realm of modern motherhood and I have fallen victim to every one of them over the last 10 years. The magic of writing that has slipped out of my hands so many times since my children were born is to be found in the practice of it. The immediate demands of this fast-paced life has shoved out the slow and steady practice of things and I have to get it back. I say have to because without it I lose clear thought and healthy reactions, the major things needed in all the roles I play in my life.

In this upgraded blogging adventure (name tweak and new website), I am committing to making writing my practice and inviting you to come along with me. As if it wasn’t before, life is just a LOT right now and I don’t think my family can afford for me to get lost in it anymore. Being a highly sensitive person (HSP), there’s no way to avoid the chaos and stress so I have to deal with it. For me, that means writing about it and more importantly prioritizing time to write about it - making writing my practice.

Any tips or suggestions for fitting a new priority into an already full brain?

If you're like me, you probably feel weary of always being the gatekeeper between your kids and the black hole of screen time and online gaming. One of the ways I try to make my job easier is to surround them with educational options rather than too many mindless ones. Today I'm going to share with you two online games, Typing Tournament Online and Maths Invaders Online from EdAlive that are entertaining AND teaching important skills at the same time. It's a win-win for sure in this household.

What We Received:
We were given a one-year subscription for two students and one parent/admin to Typing Tournament Online and Maths Invaders Online, which are both accessible on all devices.

How It Works:

Typing Tournament Online TTO is a series of exercises and games that introduce and increases typing skills. It is designed with a brand new student in mind where they can learn proper typing form and begin to build up words per minute. The program is divided into locations on a map with each stop containing lesson material, drills, 3 games - Siege, Powder Keg & Dragon Chase, Progress Report, and a Test. In order to progress to the next location the only material that is require is passing the test. With a total of 16 locations and a changeable Words Per Minute goal, there is plenty to do within this game.

Maths Invaders Online MIO is a game of testing and practicing math skills. There are three main areas, Galactic Campaign, Space Rescue and Practice. There is also a section to view your progress and the ability to print worksheets based on the problems you were given in a particular game. The Galactic Campaign is simply firing a correct answer at floating equations in an outer space skin. The level of questions can be changed as desired to change difficulty. Space Rescue is an online outer space themed version of Battleship where players must guess where a ship might be. After each turn, a player is required to 'recharge their battery' by answering math questions. Finally, there is a practice area that mimics the Galactic Campaign area, but the results are not maintained and you are able to choose the content you are practicing.

What We Thought:

Any reason to play an online game is a good reason in my children's minds so they were pumped to try these programs out.

Math Invaders was the favorite by both my 8 and 5 year old. It was easier to dive right into because they were more familiar with math than typing. There was some debate about how best to use the control keys and when to move the gun from side to side, but it all gave opportunity to talk strategy. They felt like they were playing a video game and I knew they were practicing mental math with increasing speed. Overall, we had no complaints and plan to use this as reward and in supplement to other math practice.

Typing Tournament wasn't always first choice, but I think it has been the greatest blessing. While both of my children have experience with our computers, they have not officially been taught to type. That meant they were true beginners and were substantially challenged by the program. I don't believe it to be too difficult in any way, but my impatient children desired more rapid success than they first experienced. My 8 year old son would head straight to the tests and then come to tears when he wouldn't pass them. Come to find out, there was little practicing done and mostly just attempts at typing very fast. My 5 year old daughter did alright once she understood what the pace had to be for success. In addition to learning to type, I think this program will support their need for a more disciplined approach to learning skills.

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Do you have middle school aged kids? Follow the link below to read what other families had to say about these games!