Oh, how we thought it was going to be so much different than it actually was. Like every meal you’ve daydreamed about that resulted in a tummy ache or that remedy that your annoying friend keeps going on about that actually works beautifully, once you gave it a chance. My marriage and adulthood has been a lot like that. It wasn’t at all what I thought, there is so much I would do over - do better - and yet God has been so good to me in it.

20 years ago today, I married my best friend in Norman, Oklahoma. As I write this, our family is in the middle of a big trip and this leg is in Prince Edward Island, Canada. To honor the occasion, we had dinner out at a lovely restaurant and then walked on the beach before we headed back to the cottage to check on the kids. It was such a good evening. And on paper - and in pictures - the trips, the milestones, the marriage - can all look so good. It’s easy to look good when we don’t include audio or the ugly faces. We had a lovely evening tonight but we talked more about all the regrets we have of the last 20 years than anything else. You can discuss blame or excuses until you’re blue in the face, but ultimately regrets make you sad. We both have a lot of grief over some of the choices we’ve made, the ways we’ve treated each other and a whole bunch of things we didn’t know we didn’t know. There’s no going back and sometimes that is a hard pill to swallow.

So, the regrets are many, but marrying him is certainly not one of them. Why? Because despite our collective flaws, he is good.

He holds my hand - a lot. He gives off a gruff exterior sometimes, but he is always up for a hug and holding my hand. Especially on a plane when my irrational fear of flying takes over brain.

He cooks a lot. Sometimes its out of necessity but a lot of times it is because he just wants to. And he’s good at it.

He is committed to being an active and present dad. He’s an excellent provider but that alone isn’t his priority. It may have been my decision to homeschool, but he has always insisted on them doing life with us whenever possible. That especially includes traveling.

Gentleness hasn’t always been his strong suit, but he shows up and follows through when it matters. From gardens he’s built me to running every errand known to man so I don’t have to leave the house, he works to please me.

He thinks different. And I could tell you about the millions of arguments we’ve had because he thinks different. But instead, I can say how much better my life is because of his different approach. His perspective is one I always want to hear, even if I might not ultimately agree, though I often do.

He kills varmints when he has to, rehomes snakes and possom when possible, and always checks out the scary things like a pro. He does the hard things, even when he doesn’t want to.

He planned a two week trip to 4 different cities *basically* all by himself. He is a data junkie and does nothing halfway. When he started planning this trip, I was in the throws of school things and had little time to really think about it all. And he takes mountains of info and boils it down like its a hobby. So, with very little input from me, he successfully planned out a full week in DC, a couple of days in Philadelphia and Boston and 4 days in Canada, navigating passports, global entry, flights, airline miles, timed entry tickets for museums, a ferry ride, train rides, subway rides and so much more. Even with nothing else going on, I would still struggle to even conceptualize all of it. He did all of that for us.

He thinks about our future after our kids are grown. Part of it is that he’s looking forward to retirement because his job is not his favorite. But he daydreams about maybe working for the university, sending me back to college, and meeting for lunch like we did 22 years ago in the union. I know there will be tears and grief as my kids start their adult lives outside of our home, but I have much to look forward to with him. That is truly a gift.

He makes hard decisions. More than once, he has made really difficult decisions in order to put us - especially our kids - in a better spot spiritually. I will never be able to truly express how grateful I am for that.

20 years has brought us through a lot of life. 3 kids, 3 houses, and so much growth. We joke about other ways our lives might have looked had we not married each other, but I’m so glad it was him.